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My Dear,
What are You talking about? Fear of Failure? Suicide? Depression? These aree ALL MEMORIES of someone else from your Families that you are lovingly carring throught your Life, as we all decide to carry a little part of the energy that needs to be transformed, little by little, by each part of the Group.
So Now you have Clear in your Mind that you don’t like coping with this Reality, and feel to Choose another that suits you better? This is Great : You can do it!
There are many disciplines that know how to deal with family / collective memories, to clean or reset them, so you can be freed by this energy that makes you feel heavy and painful. I personally tried Family Constellation which is a very poweful tool and experience in which every part of your Family – visibile and/or “invisible” – can play a role in your “stage”, as you feel it, and clearify the relations that, in this moment of your Life, is feeling like a Constriction to You.
DON’T DESPAIR and try that experience: you’ll be amazed how powerful it will influence your State of Being.
Another suggestion is not to feel sorry for Being what You are: you are what you are because you can then be aware of What you Want to Become and then Consciously pursue it. This is about Shaping the Person that You want to Be. This is about Powering your Free Will.
Relations between persons never occour by chance: they are planned and called by Superior Selves in order to teach to both parts important lessons; so don’t be sorry fo me: your presence in my Presence will bring me awareness about some aspect of Me that I’m now ready to face.
So insted of dispear yourself, try to Concentreate on Your Self and Listen Inside which part of you You do not “recognize” as what You feel to be Intimately, and spot the memory that somehow you are inheriting from you grandparents or even grandgrandparents or so on.
Then, once you are aware of the aspect that you want to heal, look for some discipline that makes you feel confortable and cozy, and EXPERIENCE IT until you let it go, with passion (=lots of emotions) and fear and tears and patience to youself and love and Surrender. This is the Way to Heal. This is the Medicine that You are bringing like a precious Gift as Part of Your Family, no matter how and when, You will have it with you forever unless you decide to Pass it through it and let it go thoughtout Your Phisical Body.
So, My Friend, despair no more but Cheer the moment in which You feel what you can decide to Shape as the marvellous Person that you deeply Know to Be.
Dance on it, feel it, embrace it: yell it out as much loud as you can: whatever press to exit need to be let it out, or it will devour you slowly.
Now You Can Choose.